


Metanoia

by DaughterOfHades22



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hate to Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Minor Character Death, No Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-04-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22622071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaughterOfHades22/pseuds/DaughterOfHades22
Summary: Metanoia; (N.) The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life.-Natsu Dragneel is mates with Gray fullbuster.Only there's one problem.Gray wants to kill Natsu.-Natsu hasn't changed as a person, so can he make Gray see that? Or will gray make Natsu hate him?As they say, no one can hate you more than someone who used to love you.
Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster
Kudos: 10





	1. one

Metanoia- The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life. (N.)  
  
The second he realized, he felt a knife plunged into his heart and soul, twisting the blade making him shake. That was the second Natsu realized Gray wanted to kill him. Gray sought out Natsu’s death, Natsu was the plague of the world and the sun did not shine in his smile, even though it remains unchanged.   
  


The muscles in Natsu’s body shook, he wasn’t afraid, or scared. He was hurt. Gray had been his best friend, it seems that too was unrequited. Natsu now, In gray’s eyes was a monster, a demon, something to be eradicated.

After all, a flower that blooms in darkness can only bloom in darkness.   
  
Natsu didn’t understand the hate and malice, but he understood it’s song clearly. Gajeel was with Natsu, trying to give him ideas.   
  
Natsu honestly didn’t care.   
Natsu could forgive gray for a lot of things.   
He could kill him, and Natsu would forgive him.   
He could do anything to Natsu, and he would forgive him.

  
Oh but the song that sings doesn’t ever stay on the same notes forever. Shifts in tune, shifts that change.   
  


Some people say; “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”, whilst true, a more fitting phrase for the shift in the song of life and death, love and malice. The phrase; “No one can hate you more than someone who used to love you.” 

The conclusion of a song remains untouched, untainted until you reach the end. Skipping to the end is of no satisfaction, but it’s unearned, and you miss all the high’s and low’s in between. 

  
The conclusion of this song would have to wait, 10 beats or is it 100 beats. The timing could change. Or it could forever beat the same like a heart in rhythm.   
  
Of course, with everything there are risks. With that, consequently, consequences.   
  
Understand the beat of the rain, the beat of hearts, the beat of tears, and the melody of screams, to understand the beat of pain.  
  
When Natsu was 3, his sister was born. When Natsu was 4, he wasn’t happy, and that had been the ultimate truth of his life until he would be 6.   
  
But at 5, Natsu had already many scars, and cuts, and bruises. Glass shards of liquid depressants splintered him. The sharpness of leather smacks was not uncommon.   
  
Such pain of cold origins, forsaken small Natsu.   
  
Cold, cold, cold, she was cold. Such a dreaded cold. Natsu sought the warmth of the cold, but everyone else didn’t have the cold at all. Natsu was alone.  
His mother was not like the rest.  
  


On the day, the worst day of Natsu’s life would take place when he’s 5. It would be a blizzard that ended with the smallest of growing rainbows.   
  
Father’s lying in the room with mirror bits and red red red blood.   
  
Fear. Hatred. Resentment. Everything he felt for the one responsible, the two latter looked right back at him.   
  


Screams that no one hears, but everyone ignores.   
No one could help.   
  
Grabbing his sister he ran into the woods. Fear can warp and destroy like chaos incarnate. See change or be changed. Kill or be Killed.   
Flowers.   
Flowers.   
Flowers.

Black flowers.

  
The only possible outcome, with the tunes of deafening death.   
  
It’s a shame, when sharp glass slit the small flower’s throat, calling out the bouquets of blood.   
Blood curdles with the sounds of pain ringing of Natsu’s vocal cords.   
  
As the dark consumes her eyes and gravity takes over, oh what pain has sprouted in the heart of young Natsu.   
  
Black flowers.

Death flowers.

Funeral flowers.  
  
Natsu’s sister can no longer paint his life with the glimmer of joy, now he felt cold, cold and, cold.   
  


The world is bleak and dreary and his heart weighted heavily beating to the song of misery.  
  
In search of happiness, he was prepared for his song to end and his own red flowers birthed from his blood, but in the end, a warm light.   
  


The thing he’d been searching for, that warmth, the warmth that every child seeks.  
Not all of them receive their birthright.   
  


The fire breathing God gave him a second chance, to feel that warmth and provide it to others. To paint the song of joy in the lives of people on the daily.  
  
But that’s where the song started, and every high must have it’s low. Love and Hate dance to this song with knives and letters to beat of the song.   
  
But the song runs cold like the blood runs dry, and death and love intertwined with the subject matter.   
  


Natsu can dance all he wants around the truth or his truth but as gray seeks out the blood of the salamander, The salamander it’s self seeks the warmth of the cold he’s grown accustomed to.  
  


“Gray?” Natsu said almost in a whisper, “Please.”

Gray was expressionless, “I will kill you.”

“You don’t have to do this.”   
  
“Of course I do.” Gray said rolling his eyes, “You need to be eradicated.”   
  
“I’m still the same person!” Natsu said looking down.

  
“You’re a monster is what you are.”   
  
“Please be reasonable, I don’t want to fight you.”   
  
Gray snorted.   
  


The alleyway they spoke flickered with darkness, the trash moving around for a better spot, and the wind rushed through their hair like combs.

  
Mayhaps a scale scented lingered in the air.   
  
The pounding on the walls of his chest, he wanted to rip his soul out. He wanted to chuck it at Gray, He wanted him to understand. He wanted the warmth. He knew Gray had it in him.   
  


He felt the insides start to shake, his mind losing focus. Noticing the smaller details he chose to ignore, like the way his magic reflected off his abs, or the way his gaze sent chills down his spine.   
It honestly scared him.   
He knew what this meant, he always knew, to a degree.   
  
The wind laughed, so did the sky and grass. Mockery and more mockery.   
He needed to go, He needed to leave.   
He can’t be around Gray.

Not now.  
Not here.   
  


Natsu couldn’t show Gray he was vulnerable. He couldn’t show how he felt like a kicked puppy, or Charmander in the rain waiting for him. He was weak, and Gray had found his weak spot.

It was Gray.

  
Of course, he didn’t know, he didn’t know that Natsu wanted to cry. He didn’t know that he just wanted things to go back to normal.   
  
He just wanted a hug.   
  
But nobody came.   
  
Gray threw the first punch, Natsu dodged but his soul felt like it was hit by a wrecking ball and poisoned.

  
“You know what-” Natsu started.   
  
Gray glared, “What?” 

  
“I’m not doing this now,” Natsu said calmly monitoring his voice and breathing.   
  


He walked away from the confused Ice mage-Devil slayer.   
  


“COME BACK-” Natsu jogged out of Gray’s radar, tears streaming down his face.  
  
He stopped at a large empty green hill.   
  
Natsu sniffled, “I know your there, just come out.”   
  
A dragon revealed himself to the dragonslayer. It was familiar, friendly, maybe a little annoying.   
  
“So, What’re you going to do with your new information?” The dragon said smiling, turning into a dragon’s human form.   
  


“Nothing,” Natsu said assuring God-Dragon.  
“What?” GD seemed shocked, “You know your mate!”

  
“That doesn’t ensure happy endings. Plus he’s out for my head. I can’t bring myself to genuinely battle him.”

  
“Then don’t do it genuinely.”

“I can’t, I can’t. My soul is already crushed, and the weight of the sky has dawned upon my heart.” 

“Well, don’t fight him then.” GD shrugged, “Or maybe, you could get him to see you. Past your demon resurrection.”  
  
“He hates demons,” Natsu said with a sad whine, “Plus, He’s always been uncomfortable when it comes to gays, and I just can’t.”   
  
“Well, You’re free to stay at my palace pocket dimension. It gets lonely, Natsu.” GD offered.  
Natsu nodded, “Thank you, GD. I owe you.” 

GD smirked, “You owe me in 15 billion dimensions in this galaxy alone.”   
  


“Okay Omi-present jerk, take me to your lea- wait you are the leader-” Natsu forgot about Gray for a split second.

  
Then the weight of the world came back on his shoulders.

Maybe if he didn’t think about it he would be fine.   
But, would, even more, weight be placed on if he knew Gray was listening in?


	2. Two

Gray didn’t know what to think.  
Sure Natsu was whatever he was, but there was something weird going on. Especially in that conversation he was eavesdropping on.

He could have swore that the dragon looked him straight in the eyes with a burning sense of protection. 

The only thing he was sure of was that he was meant to kill Natsu.  
He didn’t believe he was...that, at least not at first.

Not when he saw his smile, and his laugh.   
Not when he would die for him.

Only did he believe it, was when his own eyes betrayed him, and the book of end fell into his lap.

It was like Destiney enjoyed twisting his heart and ripping into the species that it layed in his soul.

He knew this was coming, he knew he had to kill END, but he didn’t expect that to be Natsu.

Hell, even Natsu didn’t seem to know.   
Gray didn't know how that made him feel.

But he knew damn well that he would keep his emotions in check.

He found a grave, one of a girl with dozens of flowers. Sharing a sur-name with the flame fisted fairy.

He took the headstone, not because he was a monster.

“Ice make-” Gray made his own version.

He wondered how it would help, if at all. Yet the greatest weapon to harm flame’s heart was made of stone.

Like a dagger made of stone with the edge of a razor being plunged into a beating heart. Tears and wails emanate from it’s beats and how it weakens.

Would this be a mistake, or just another fight.

Fight, fight, fight, not flight.

Gray had never seen Natsu choose Flight over fight.   
It was like something had awakened inside him.

Gray chose not to linger on what was said by the dragon and Natsu.

Mate. Mates. Was that what he was? He’d heard about this from books. Dragons and their slayers had mates, which were essentially the equivalent of soul-mates.

Gray shook thoughts out of his head not to give himself hope.

Hope for change, Hope of dreams. Hopes of peace, Hopes of a happy ending.

It didn’t matter what he felt.   
This was a job.  
Just a job.

So why was he crying, why was tears streaking down his face, why was his heart pounding?  
Why?  
It was just a job.

But Gray couldn’t help but think of all the memories. When Gray saves Natsu, when Natsu saves him. Battling together, Looking out for each other. When they used to play together. When they Trained together. When they supported each other. When they laughed together, cried together. Teased each other. When they were friends.  
When they were best of friends.  
When ignorance was bliss.

Rivers drained from his eyes and heart, making his mind melt into his throat and lungs.

Hands to ground, face facing down, knees hitting with a bound, and tears hit the brown.

He didn’t really want to kill Natsu.

He really didn’t.

But did he have a choice?  
Does it even matter?

Who said Mates had to end in happiness? Couldn’t things grow sour and wilt?

Love based on destiny is doomed to fail.  
Doesn’t mean that it couldn’t be real, but do you want to test the trail?

Bloody evolution, hard choices, hard battles, but he was crying over a boy with pink hair. Someone who opposes his goal.  
He’s the enemy, Gray tells himself but does he really believe it?

Does he even want to be his enemy?

Gray follows his mind but his heart is what keeps him alive and human.

Gray said he needed to make one last attempt to fight Natsu, if he even agreed.

Gray didn’t think Natsu was evil, or a monster. He was kind, and brave. He was the most human person he had met, so how could he be the least human of them all?  
Or has humans evolved past empathy and sympathy?

Gray’s hand was shaking, What even was he?

He’s fighting his friends, he’s changed.

Maybe Gray himself has been the monster, and he just fights from his own point of view.   
Maybe Gray is the one who’s lacking humanity.

Or is he simply inheriting humanity’s posiounus discrimination. 

He looked at the icy gravestone that he made a copy of, was this past a line?

It's not like he dug up the grave.  
Right?  
Right?  
but he still didn't feel great about it.  
  
-  
When Natsu saw him with the ice-made copy the first thing he felt was betrayed. Then sad, then angry.  
Very angry.

Gray saw how he reacted, it was almost as if the line was 3 feet behind him.

Natsu couldn't believe Gray had gone that far to hurt him, he remembered the death of his little sister; then he felt sick to his stomach and it curdled. Sour milk turned sour as he glared at gray.

"Why?" 

At that moment gray knew he messed up.  
Big time.

"Natsu, I-"

"Save it. That's too god damn far Gray!"

Gray couldn't kill him, he couldn't.  
There was no way.  
No way in hell.  
Not with his heart screaming out, his humanity smacking him with guilt. 

"I'm sorry." Gray said with tears welling up.

"Me too. I- I- I can't stand you right now. You wanted to kill me, but instead you brought up something that was NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS-"

"I REGRET IT-"

"I'm not talking to you." Natsu said turning to go, "you didn't have to do that."   
  
He was gone.  
Gray's heart was shattered on the floor like glass in his hands, cutting and stinging him. All whilst immense regret welled up inside  
Gray.

Why did he think that was a good idea?  
Why did his brain allow him to make a mistake when every part of him knew it was wrong.

Why did he-  
Why couldn't he-  
If only he-

If only Gray listened to his heart when it was screaming inside the silence of his brain.

Why did he lead himself astray?  
He regretted it.

He couldn't kill Natsu.  
Not in a million years.  
And now he will spend a million years trying to earn back the shattered trust and heart of the pink haired boy who smiled brighter than the sun.

_**A/n it's a head cannon of mine that Natsu has a dead little sister who was the nicest person and is like super similar to wendy.** _   
_**And no** _ _**it's not** _ _**wendy.** _


End file.
